Just one of those days when I feel FU***D up ....

The tendency and habbit of playing safe actually freaks me out sometimes, its like something that makes me feel helpless,weak and tied up. I see myself pulled towards something strongly but I cant move cos I cant take risk or rather I dont wanna take risk because I wanna bloody play safe. There are times when I feel goosebumps while discussing an idea , when I wanna jump out and do it forgetting everything but what I do is I go to sleep, to go to the same shitty,monotonous,unexciting job place next morning.
These are times you know when I forget how to spell a simple word like exciting (I actually spent 2 mins thinking on it now) because I can see nothing now, remember nothing now ,what I can feel is the heart beat ,the rush in the viens ,a ...... what do I say , okie a feeling where my legs are kinda not stationary but moving asking me to come along,move along
I feel am at the wrong place doing wrong thing for the wrong people at a wrong time for a wrong reason and now whats happening is I am doubting whether I have wrongly spelt the word wrong.I dont know if all this makes any sense to anybody who reads this blog ,but you feel it only when you feel it.
I guess the problem is bloody money , you need to have it to survive ,imagine a world where free food , free accomodation is there, no expenses on living , God you could have just done things at your will. Do this ,move on to next, I dont need to make it a sustainable business , I can just do it and move to the next or stick to it if I like. Everything free for everyone ,wow what would it result into one person doing work for other person , a farmer harvesting wheat for food , not for money, he eats the same food as I do, I develop a mobile phone for communication not for money, he uses the same mobile phone as I do .... so on and so on. Perfect symbiosis ......

P.S. - There might be wrong spellings or there might not be, its just one of those days .....